I Could Not Resist
Stacey Lee
Within a capitalist system that feeds off of hopelessness, joy is resistance. The ability to imagine a better future, to believe in a life where happiness underlies our everyday notions, becomes a radical act. It is a spark of hope that signals to oppressive forces that they have not won.
I Could Not Resist is a reflection of my attempts to resist the too-seductive forces of depression. During a time where I could not fathom doing anything but lay in bed, I pushed with brute force to continue creating. I wanted to materialize this Sisyphean experience into a sculptural and interactive exhibit. The first part was a challenge to create a book a day, allowing myself to be abstract in what a book could be. I focused on materiality, oftentimes grabbing from my surroundings. Thus, each book becomes a reflection of my consumption and waste. The second part of my thesis is a freehand crocheted blanket, made using a technique called filet crochet—a historically laborious process used to create lace designs. With changing directions and varying font sizes, the blanket reads my sporadic thoughts of self-doubt and guilt.
My thesis does not come to the satisfying conclusion of me finding light in dark times. It reveals cycles of guilt and shame as I endlessly pivot and repeat, unable to come up with an idea that is “good enough.” But its existence is proof of a willingness to do something—even if it seems to be for no reason.